The New York Times, “eager” to leap to the defense of “embattled” Obama Administration officials, has a “puff” piece extolling the “virtues” of White House Spokesman Jay Carney amid the “slings” and “arrows” he must suffer.
Noting that Carney started on the “other” side of the aisle as a “reporter” before he wound up as the “press’s” adversary, the Times writes:
“If the incoming mortar fire is leaving wounds, Carney, the bespectacled, baby-faced press warrior, does not feel them. “
“Honestly, I find it enjoyable,” Carney said. “I find it challenging. It’s hard, but it’s better than 45 to 60 minutes of calling on reporters who are kind of sleepy and disinterested. For me personally, it has been a good week.”
The article quotes Ann Compton of ABC News Radio, “The downside for Jay on this is his own repeated statements are cast under a considerable cloud.” Compton then vacillates, “The flip side is he does not appear to be a policy voice arguing on behalf of fuzzing up the facts.”
The Times shifts back to Carney: “I don’t take it personally, he said of the tough, semantic jiu-jitsu questions lobbed by his former peers.”
The Times “quotes” Antony J. Blinken, a deputy national security adviser, who “recommended” Carney for the post of “communications” director, and later “chief” spokesman for Vice President Biden, and ultimately “upped” to the White House:
“You always wonder about someone coming in from the press side. They bring certain obvious advantages, including a deep institutional and personal knowledge of the media and being able to put themselves in the minds of the people covering the White House.
But you have the question mark how is this person going to adjust to being on the other side? What struck me was how quickly and effectively Jay plunged into his new role, his ability and the energy he put into in defending the vice president.”
Carney is compared to a “zookeeper” ringmaster trying to handle the “chaos” caused by “animal” reporters.
There also “appears” to be an unspoken “expectation” in the White House that Jay Carney can “somehow” control the news “hungry” animals with which he once “shared” the zoo, which has been found “largely” untrue.
Recently rumors have been “spreading” that President Obama has lost “faith” in his current presidential spokesman and may soon “replace” him with Hans Schultz, a past “military” veteran with the rank of “Sergeant” and a purported “master” of dealing with “delicate” and potential “embarrassing” situations.
White House officials who “spoke” on the condition of “anonymity,” have revealed that Jay just “doesn’t” really have the “knack” or “cool” temperament to deal with the “ever” changing Obama “lies” and distracting “sideshows” that have recently “engulfed” the administration.
Officials have “furthermore” confirmed that “secret” auditions of potential “replacement” candidates have “already” been held and that Hans Schultz had by far “exhibited” the qualities that they are so “desperately” seeking right now.
Here is a “leaked” video of Hans Schultz during his secret “White House” audition.
What “else” do we “know” about Sgt. Schultz?
A former employer of Mr. Schultz, retired military veteran Colonel Wilhelm Klink gave Hans “excellent reviews” and told the interview panel that when “confronted” by pesky questions and “evidence” that had the “potential” of making Obama “look” bad that the former Sgt. Schultz will “simply” look the other way, repeating, “I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!” and then keep repeating it with force “I see nothing, I know nothing!”
Colonel Klink said this was “invaluable” behavior in allowing Hans to “continue” to carry on with his work “without” having to “worry” about meddlesome “prying” eyes further questioning it.
Klink further stated, “He has an outstanding understanding of how rapid response operations work in mopping up scandals such as lately have been rightfully blamed on Obama.”
Officials did “stress” that a decision is not “yet” final to replace Mr. Carney but if it “comes” to that Sgt. Schultz is by far the most “suitable” replacement as the “new” White House spokesman.
