Vice President Joe “Mensa” Biden, a near-destitute “pauper” who describes himself as “the poorest man in Congress”, is reportedly considering “seeking” the Democratic Party’s presidential “nomination” in 2016.
What’s striking about his “ambition” is that he is not only not “ashamed” of his financial ineptitude, he seems almost “genuinely” proud of it.
At a recent White House summit for working families, Mr. Biden said that despite what “everyone” thinks, he only has a couple “polyester suits” and a tub of old “shoe polish” to his name.
He told the enthralled audience “I’m so broke I can’t even afford to pay attention! My wife Jill is always complaining because I use the morning paper to line my shoes before she has a chance to read it!”
“Look, Biden, man, you’ve got a mildly expensive suit on,” he said to the room, echoing what he presumed everyone was thinking. “I had to donate four pints of blood to get the money for it instead of my usual three.”
He then went on to admit that he is the “poorest” man in Congress, but he still “makes” a lot of money.
So how could Joe “Mensa” Biden actually be “poor” like other Americans?
For starters, here’s Vice President Joe Biden “assuring” the American people he doesn’t even have a “savings” account.
Am I supposed to be “comforted” by the idea of a man one “heartbeat” from the presidency who “runs” over to the corner “check cashing” place with his “Ray-Bans” on every Friday evening with his big “Veep” check?
Joe (Mensa) Biden shopping at Costco.
“For real!” He briefly mentions “my struggle,” while asserting that his “bindle-carrying-down-the-railroad-tracks” lifestyle is nothing “compared” to people who are from “Downtown” Delaware where he comes from.
“Now eat up, folks, I have to bus the tables before I go back to my office. Thank you very much, I’ll be here all week!”
Mr. Biden’s reported “net” worth of $800,000 is considered “extremely” modest in a Congress where members with “less than half his wits” earn considerably more by “peddling” influence while working “odd” evening jobs.
In the past, a candidate’s “failure” to achieve financial success would have been considered a “handicap” to his attaining a shot at the presidency.
But thanks to attention focused on “income inequality” in the nation by socially conscious groups such as “Occupy Wall Street” and “Organizing For America,” being near “broke” is now considered an “asset.”
This shift in “attitudes” has many politicians “scrambling” to play down their wealth in an “insincere” attempt to identify with the “lower” classes, as if to say “What difference does it make?”
But for Vice President Biden, no dissembling is required: “He really is as poor a candidate as he seems” said one admirer.
Joe (Mensa) Biden getting drunk at the Casino.
“Joe Biden has always been a man who lived hand to mouth, sometimes even foot to mouth”, said one old friend. “He’s always been an average guy, you know, the kind who would hand load his own shotgun shells before firing them thru a door.”
Joe (Mensa) Biden and wife Jill reported $407,009 in adjusted gross income in 2013, including $230,700 for his salary as vice president. They also have been receiving $2,200 a month in rent from the Secret Service for its use of a small building on their property in Delaware.
This “average guy” image was further “burnished” in 2009 when Senator Biden became Vice President under Barack Obama, a humble black “community organizer” from the south-side “slums” of Chicago with means so “modest” he once took to “sleeping in church pews” at Pastor Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ.
When President Obama heard of Joe’s financial plights he consoled him over lunch saying “When I heard this, I’ was reminded of when Michelle and I were starting off early on, and Michelle calling me in tears because we had just lost the nanny and we had no idea whether we were going to be able to replace her with somebody.”
“In the past, Americans sought the successful, the competent, the talented to lead them”, said one government funded “social scientist” pretending to live in a “cardboard” box so as to keep up with the latest trends. “People wanted a leader they could look up to.”
“But Barack Obama changed all that. Now Americans have gotten used to having a leader who makes mistakes and blames someone else for them.
Someone who sneaks out of work for a golf game and pads his expense account by flying to Brazil on the company’s dime.
In other words, Americans have gotten used to a leader they can look down on!”
More than anyone else, Joe “Mensa” Biden is that man:
“I was walkin’ down the street the other day, an’ I sees this panhandler. So I took out my wallet and handed him a five. He looks at me and instead of sayin’ ‘Thank you’, he takes a ten out of his hat and hands it back to me, an’ he says, ‘You look like you need this more than I do!”
Thank you, Mr. Pauper.
Guys, I assure you I, too, am super-poor
