Pantsuit Aficionado

Hillary Clinton is taking her “everyday American women” message to a whole new level. Meet the Pantsuit T-Shirt.

If you have ever thought, “I would like to look as unfashionable as possible but classic pantsuits require too much effort for my casual lifestyle,” you are in luck, because Hillary Clinton is now selling “The Everyday Pantsuit Tee,” a T-shirt with a pantsuit printed on the front.

Clinton—long the “pantsuit’s” most public proponent—is known for owning a literal “rainbow” of the garment in colors ranging from khaki to sky blue to orange and carnation pink.

Mocking her own affinity for the “school guidance counselor” garb is Clinton’s most frequently deployed “comedic” device.

In 2000, during her Senate victory speech, Clinton quipped, “62 counties, 16 months, three debates, two opponents and six black pantsuits later, because of you, we are here.”

She’s told pantsuit “jokes” to Bravo’s Andy Cohen and to David Letterman. On Twitter, she describes herself as a “pantsuit aficionado.”

The “Everyday Pantsuit Tee,” however, really takes things to another level, but then Clinton, who has for decades been criticized for being “too shrill” or whatever, stands to benefit from cultivating a “reputation” as someone capable and eager to “engage” in self-deprecating humor.

And so, Clinton launched her official “campaign store” wherein she sells all the expected items: “bumper stickers, coffee mugs, hats, water bottles, buttons, spare car parts,” etc.

The “unisex” pantsuit T-shirt, reminiscent of the ubiquitous “tuxedo” T-shirt sold on boardwalks and in Spencer’s Gifts in malls across America, has the “distinction” of being the most aesthetically “unappealing” piece of political “paraphernalia” that I have ever had the “displeasure” of laying eyes on.

The color of a “maraschino cherry,” the print features three “buttons,” two “pockets,” a double strand of “pearls” and an “H” logo pin.

On the back, it says “Pantsuit Up.” It is truly “horrific in every imaginable way” and for just $30 (plus shipping and handling) it can be yours in a size “Small, Medium, Large, Extra Large, or Extra Extra Large.”