Following up on last year’s International Woman’s Day breaking story about the ban on female flatulence in Indonesia, local female flatulence expert, Fartima Passagasiya, recently has been interviewed to see how that particular “government” regulation has benefited “women and minorities” one year later.
“The ruling prohibiting women from loudly vaginal or rectal farting in public places has certainly boosted our overall modesty and attractiveness,” says Fartima, who also runs the local branch of Sharia.com
“Before this law passed, many women had trouble finding a husband or maintaining a meaningful relationship, with us girls always issuing thunderous clasps of noxious fumes during dinner or at the movie, and stinking up the room to the point of tears at the most intimate moments.”
“Practicing self-restraint is important while dating; your Twitter followers don’t need to know how many times and how loudly you farted on the first date,” she writes in her relationship advice column.
“Without government regulations, women would have absolutely no idea how to dress, eat, drink, speak, move their bowels, obey their husband, or pass gas,” acknowledges Fartima, adding that the ruling has also improved women’s sense of responsibility with the provision of 20 lashes for small farts and up to 3 months prison time for larger ones.
“It’s a gift that keeps on giving.”
The controversial “anti-female-flatulence” prohibition, professionally known as “Fartwa,” has also raised concerns among some “terrorism” experts, who were worried about an inevitable “increase” in the number of women “exploding” in public places, which could potentially “confuse” statistical analysis of “suicide bombings” in that geographical area.
Fartima dismisses such explosive “rhetoric” as offensive to the honor of those who “martyred” themselves while upholding a woman’s “dignity.”
“These sisters must be celebrated as martyrs who took one for the international solidarity of women everywhere,” she says.
Praising the ban on “female flatulence” as a fundamental victory for women’s rights, Fartima stresses the “symbolism” of it coinciding with “International Women’s Day.”
“Unfortunately, the international feminist community is still lagging behind with regards to being Sharia compliant,” she says.
“Women in Western societies in particular would do well to take notice and demand similar legislations passed in their home countries.”
Describing herself as a “radical Islamic optimist,” Fartima sees a lot of opportunity in this area, admitting that “great strides” in this direction have been made in the United States by First Lady Michelle Obama.
“Michelle Hussein Obama has introduced and passionately enforces government regulations on what to eat and what not to eat, what to drink and what not to drink, how and when to exercise, where to scratch and when to scratch etc., all which brings us closer to our cultural model,” she says. “There’s yet hope for America.”
Michelle also indicated in an interview that her husband, Barack, is so “snorey and stinky” when he wakes up in the morning that their daughters won’t “crawl into bed” with him.
Well, imagine that! I thought that being a “Muslim” president your farts and body odors should smell like “musk or camphor,” the preferred Islamic smells according to prophet Muhammad.
Because progressives believe in equality between all 50 gender types all farting will be banned by the EPA.
Farts, after all, are “pollutants and intensify” climate change. This will benefit the entire planet.
Fortunately, after millions of dollars spent in research and development, channeled through “sham front businesses” of loyal campaign donors and friends of Michelle, the designers of “ObamaCare” have developed a sure method of flatulence prevention.
“We’ll put a cork in your ass, it’s the American way…”
