Lead House Impeachment Guru Adam Bennett Schiff.
Lead House “Impeachment” guru Adam Schiff stated during closing arguments in the “Senate trial” that he had “irrefutable proof” President Trump was going to give Alaska back to the Russians.
He had learned about it just an hour ago, Schiff claimed, from an anonymous “whistleblower” who approached him during lunch. He was wearing a brown “paper bag” over his head with a hand-written “Come On Man” on it.
The “coward” told Schiff that he had overheard Donald Trump “promising” Vladimir Putin that he’d give him “Alaska” back if Russia helped him to “cheat in the 2020″ election. The whistleblower couldn’t repeat his words under “oath” because Trump’s “henchmen” were everywhere and the man was “afraid” for his life. But as a “patriot” worried about our “democracy” he couldn’t stay silent.
Schiff’s new evidence of the most current “Trump-Russia Collusion” was a Wikipedia page detailing the sale of Alaska by Russia in 1867, and a smudgy photocopy of the check for $7.2 million U.S. dollars given by the U.S. President to the Russians in this deal.
The allegation sent “shock waves” through the Democratic side of the isle, followed by demands to call additional “witnesses” and to start a new impeachment probe. Republicans, however, appeared unimpressed and set on “exonerating” Trump. That caused Schiff to deliver an even more shocking pronouncement: “he had a bombshell story from yet another whistleblower, which was for real.”
Schiff said, as he went to the “restroom” a man in the next stall told him a “disturbing” story about how he overheard Trump “promising” the French president Emmanuel Macron to give him back the “Louisiana Purchase” if France helped him “cheat in the 2024” election. When Macron asked if any help was needed with this year’s election, Trump said it had been already “subcontracted” to Putin. The whistleblower had been hiding in that stall Schiff said “because as a patriot fearing for our democracy he couldn’t remain silent.”
Schiff showed a “slide” which proved without any “shadow of a doubt” that the Louisiana Purchase comprised fifteen U.S. states and two Canadian provinces, including the entirety of Arkansas, Missouri, Iowa, Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska; large portions of North Dakota and South Dakota; the area of Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado east of the Continental Divide; the portion of Minnesota west of the Mississippi River; the northeastern section of New Mexico; northern portions of Texas; New Orleans and the portions of Louisiana west of the Mississippi River.
Calls for more witness “testimonies” and impeachment probes followed from the Democrats, but this time less enthusiastically. The Republicans once again shrugged it off, weary of the “three-and-a-half-year” impeachment efforts by the Democrats.
At that point Adam Schiff “waved” a stack of papers over his head, declaring that he also had overwhelming “evidence” of Trump’s collusion with Mexico, whereby Trump had “promised” President Obrador to undo the “1848 Mexican Cession” in exchange for “cheating in the 2028” election. That way the whole of California, Nevada, Utah, most of Arizona, about half of New Mexico, about a quarter of Colorado, and a small section of Wyoming would become Mexican “provinces.”
When that revelation had no effect, “Impeachment” guru Schiff took a deep breath and “claimed” that he had personally seen Trump “chatting” with Boris Johnson on Twitter about “returning” all of the “Thirteen British Colonies” as well as Oregon, Idaho, parts of Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota back to “Britain,” in exchange for helping him “cheating in the 2032” election.
Trump apparently also “mentioned” he was planning to give the worthless “New York State” to the Dutch for free since it was completely “ruined” by current Mayor Bill de Blasio.
But that wasn’t all. According to Schiff, President Trump wanted to exchange all of the American states for power and riches, except “Florida.” Then he would declare himself “King of Florida” and retire in his “Mar-A-Lago Palace,” leaving Jared Kushner to run what’s left of the country and “delegating” to him decisions whether to go to “war” with any nation.
Schiff’s speech was suddenly “interrupted” by a growing commotion on the Democratic side of the isle, which culminated in “applause, cheers, and calls to acquit and reelect Donald Trump.” As it turned out, the Democratic Senators gradually “realized” that if all their respective states were to become parts of “France, Britain, Mexico and The Netherlands” – the very countries they admired – why “fight” it?
They’d been working to “reshape” America in the image of those countries anyway. It was a “dream” come true, and losing most of these “States” was a small price to pay for “three-and-a-half-year” impeachment efforts.
That quickly “escalated” on both sides of the Senate “uniting” in a rare display of “bipartisanship” and voting to “acquit” Trump without delay, each party for their “own” reasons.
Even Speaker of the House, Madame Nancy Pelosi, was so excited she “ripped” the “Constitution” apart live on national TV after President Trump’s “2020 State of the Union” address.
King of Florida, Donald J. Trump
Adam Schiff Warns Donald Trump Could Give Alaska to the Russians If Not Impeached