In response to “critiques” that her campaign consists mainly of throwing “dirt” at Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton announced if “elected” president her first, and most important executive plan, the “Global Military Equality” program, an ambitious road map to “rebuild” America’s military presence.
Speaking to a large crowd of 11 “supporters” and 134 “journalists” in Washington, Hillary delivered a “rousing” patriotic speech:
“People no longer respect our military, because it is a source of inequality. Remember the first phase of Desert Storm in Iraq? We rolled them up like a carpet, you could hardly call it a war. Our soldiers were better trained, better equipped and had better leadership, so we never gave those poor Iraqi’s a fighting chance. Same in Libya, we came, we saw, he died. And in Bosnia we had to land under heavy sniper fire. That’s not the America we want. We need to re-position our objectives globally, and make sure other nations that want to kill our troops have equal opportunities to do so. Global equality must be the goal of the next administration.”
Hillary Clinton then went on “describing” the future success of her “Global Military Equality” pilot project:
“Remember the Benghazi attack in 2012? When I started as secretary of state, the head of the CIA gave me very precise Intel on local terrorist militias and suggested some changes to the security detail. But my team worked overtime to make this a poster case for Global Military Equality. I personally made sure that our operatives on the ground were unprepared, that no reinforcements were sent and that the military liaisons got contradictory information. And I think we can all be proud of the results. Some unwashed savages were able to brutally murder four US citizens, an Ambassador, two retired US Navy Seals and a Diplomat!”
“And who can forget the humiliation of our Sailors at the hands of the Iraqi Navy when they were forced onto their knees with hands clasped behind their heads, crying and begging for forgiveness for inadvertently and unauthorized straying into Iraqi waters. The whole world was stunned about the Naval incompetence of US warships patrolling the Persian Gulf.”
Here are my specific “Global Military Equality” project implementations:
New Military Uniforms: Since Muslim terrorists are in general bad marksmen, changing the Army’s camouflage pattern to show a large red target which will help provide “Global Marksman Equality.”
No More Radio Communication: Some terrorist militias consist of severely retarded individuals, unable to coordinate properly. By taking away the Army’s communication capabilities, we can bring all parties to the same level of “Global Communication Equality.”
No More Stealth: By deactivating sophisticated American technology, drones, airplanes and submarines we are leveling the field to assist lesser capable nations as they indiscriminately and unprovoked go about the destruction of our country. This will provide fair “Global Equipment Equality.”
No More Red Lines: My predecessor, Barack Obama, threatened Syria and others with drawing a “red line” in the sand. Under my administration we will no longer issue “threats” to foreign entities but work with them to achieve their “Global Military Superiority.”
No More Secret Service: While there have been recent “narratives” by Secret Service agents detailing what life really was “working closely with me” I have decided to abandon the “erratic, uncontrollable, and occasionally violent” Secret Service division. As a women I do not need the constant “harassment” of fucking male goons “shoving” me against my will into “cars.” This decision will provide “Global Military Gun Free Zones.”
No More Closed Borders: By removing all “border security” we will take away the unjust stigma of coming “illegally” to this country. We welcome anyone, vetted or unvetted, and provide “free housing vouchers, health care, education and food stamps.” Muslim male “refugees” with their “multiple” wives, widows and orphans will receive “priority clearance” to assure continued “Global Population Growth.”
No More Combat Gap: Drafting women is an important part of America’s population “replacement” project, as the loss of “patriotic” men in previous and current wars had always been “compensated” by women. 50% of all Military platoons must consist of “gays, lesbians and transgenders” to create “Global Manpower Equality.”
In the words of George Orwell, “Men sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough women stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
