The latest Reuters polling of “deceased” voters in Illinois, Colorado, Ohio, Wisconsin, New Hampshire, Florida, California and North Carolina show a definite trend “favoring” Hillary Clinton and Democrat congressional candidates, as the likely dead voters are registering Democrat in massive numbers.
“Dead” Democrats, as well as Republicans who switched parties right after “internment,” are rising in droves chanting, “We Are Stronger Together.”
Contrary to popular opinion among the still “breathing,” familiarity does not breed “contempt” in the dearly departed. Instead, “physical” familiarity with the “permanently-rigid” brings out the vote.
Most of the surveyed “non-breathers” have also showed preference for “low-energy” presidential candidates with “wobbly” knees, who are unable to “ascend” two steps by themselves without unintended loss of “consciousness” and memory loss about emails no longer on their “private” servers.
The Democrat Party “swing states” have always been able to correctly “predict” a massive turnout of the “embalmed.”
Anticipating strong “necrophobic” resistance from Tea Party types and other “conspiracy” theory aficionados, Democrat leaders in the House and the Senate vowed to “preempt” the living by expanding civil and voting rights of the “decomposed” by eliminating the voter ID requirement.
The dearly “departed” have risen for the Democrats in past “elections” in large numbers, and this year the Democrat strategists “predict” a record turnout.
Back in 2008 and 2012, many “non-breathing” humans have been reportedly spotted “walking” about the Main Streets of towns in Illinois, Ohio and Wisconsin, heading in the direction of “voting” polls, some in “shredded” outfits, painfully “dragging” their bones, trailing dirt and “streams” of formaldehyde. The cost of “cleanup” has never been an issue as it’s always been “paid” for by the losers.
In Brooklyn, Clinton Headquarters moved with urgency to “motivate” the exhaling-impaired to “shrug” six feet of compacted dirt and get “themselves” to the polls once or twice.
Given that this may be the most “important” election of their afterlives, mere “disability” or “decomposition” will not do as an “excuse” not to vote.
Last week Clinton volunteers returned to “graveyards” and “funeral homes” with a loud megaphone, in a “final” attempt to generate “enthusiasm” for Hillary’s candidacy among the “passed” away.
Pandering to the most “loyal” Democrat constituency Clinton “pledged” to give an autographed photo of her almost “dead” husband pictured with the current president to each grave yard “volunteer” who registers at least one hundred “deceased” voters.
The results of her efforts are the ever “increasing” poll numbers among the “permanently” diseased.
According to the RCP “polling” average, not a single “stiff corpse” is expected to cast a “vote” for Donald Trump or any other Republican “candidate” on the ballot. They never do.
Younger “voters” need someone they can “relate and identify” with, as most have the “attention “span” of goldfish, and were “educated” in public schools. Someone of the “older” generation who looks and thinks like Millennials would be ideal.
Hillary, at the “ripe” aged of 68 has capitalized on her rousing success of “enlisting” the help of the ever “youthful” Bernie Sanders supporters, and has pulled “ageless” Al Gore from cryostat in order to “influence” young environmentally minded voters who are “turning” away from the Democratic Party’s nominee.
This Bernie “millennials” likely doesn’t have much of a “grasp” of Gore’s story. After all, most of them were “toddlers” when the Bill Clinton/Al Gore ticket first ran, in “elementary” school during the 2000 recount “debacle,” and in middle school for the 2006 film release of “An Inconvenient Truth.”
Our beloved party of “youth” and diversity continues to “taunt” the Republicans for being the party of “old white men” who have done nothing but start “businesses, refine fossil fuels, and dodge their fair share of tax burden.”
At least Bernie Sanders was a “Socialist” while Al Gore fame is telling stories about “polar bears,” how he “invented” the Interwebs thereby making him the “Grandfather” of Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr.
Hillary recently “discovered” another voting bloc to pander to: “Basement Dwellers” and “Illegal Immigrants.”
Right-wing propaganda outlets are all abuzz with the #BasementDwellers hash tags, falsely accusing Hillary Clinton of “belittling” young Bernie supporters as a “Basket of Basement Dwellers.”
That of course is a “lie.” She never used the term “Basket of Basement Dwellers.” So there.
In fact, a complete “opposite” is true. Rather than belittling them, Hillary thinks they are quite “adorable” sitting in a basement at home, with their starry eyes “begging” for treats.
Bernie promised them “milk-bones,” but that was an unrealistic “promise” because Trump has “stolen” all their milk-bones and fed them to his “Basket of Deplorables.” However, Hillary will be happy to “replace” their milk-bones with chewy “bits” of chicken jerky “infused” with peanut butter.
As everyone can clearly see, “basement dwellers” are barking up the wrong tree. Instead, they should be “barking” at Trump, who wants to “kick” them out of their basements with his jackboots, “forcing” them to fend for themselves in cold, windy alleys, “looking” for treats in dumpsters and “licking” up puddles of antifreeze in “rich” people’s driveways.
That’s how “cold-hearted” Trump is.
In contrast, Hillary would like to “hug” them all at once, “rub” them behind their wet ears, and “put” them all in one basket, where they will be “stronger together,” warm and protected under her “grandmotherly” care.
Trump tweeted in the “middle of the night” that Hillary will have them all “spayed and neutered,” and then give them “away,” adding that those who won’t find a “new owner” will be put to sleep.
That is another one of Trump’s “deplorable” lies. According to media fact-checkers, all potential “basement dwellers” will go through a rigorous safe space “screening” by the government, putting “unwanted” dwellers to “sleep” which is a free and painless “ObamaCare” service.
Instead of following Trump’s “tweets,” basement dwellers should be “focusing” on how warm and cozy it will feel, “sitting” in a basket all together and “chewing” on tasty bits of chicken jerky.
Ultimately, this “election” comes down to either being “warm and cozy” together in a basket, or running “wild, unfed, unneutered” hunting your own “food” with other deplorables.
Hillary “encourages” Democrat voters to “hit” their own TVs every time they hear “thought criminal” Trump expressing an opinion.
The rules allow using “objects” like baseball bats, skateboards, joysticks, etc. Watch these model Democrats and “NeverTrumpers” react in a Party-approved manner.
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